You know you are a real beekeeper when:
= You Google "Swingers" and expect to find forklifts.
or
You Google "Black queens" and expect to find bees.
= about the first time you ever go online and in all innocence google "honey."
= Wonder why people look at you strange when you start talking about a bunch of virgins running around.
== Sitting in a restraunt surrounded by older folk and having a discussion with another beek about killing virgins. Wow, did ever get some weird looks!
= Being a Queen Breeder has been known to raise some eyebrows.
= Sitting in a racially mixed restaurant in TX talking about how we didn't want any black queens.
= You can't wait for the dandelions to bloom.
= you catch yourself telling people that getting stung "feels kinda good".
= When she says PMS you think mites.
= You suffer from ABD (Attention Bee Disorder). Characterized as a constant summary of any area during a trip of if that would be a good place to put in a bee yard and verbally wondering if every plant or tree is a nectar or pollen source. Tends to drive family members crazy. Usually acceptable behavior round other beekeepers
= you leave a hive tool in your back pocket and tear a hole in your truck seat when you sit down
= You leave a hive tool in your back pocket and tear a hole in the duct tape covering the last hole you tore in your truck seat.
= you get together w/ another beekeeper and can't talk about anything but bees.
= You sell a nuc to the russians
= When you get some really strange reactions from coworkers at the Air Force Base where you work when you talk about making and selling "nukes"
= people in the grocery store look at you wierd cuz you smell like BEE-GO. Sometimes it's embaressing.
= you have left gates open and let cattle and or horses out.
= you have been chased by a mad cow.
= you have dumped everything off your truck at one time or another. hives, honey supers, drums.they always fall off on busy highways occasionally in the rain.
= you have had trailers come unhooked and forklifts cartwheeling.
= you have been stung on every conceivable body part.
= When your master key to get thought locked gate to get to your bee yard is bolt cutters
= When you meet a man in the parking lot of the local garden center that you have never met before to sell him one of your extra queens and say, you look like a guy that can use a good queen. and it is not the beekeeper you thought it was supposed to be.
= You are going down the road and get flagged down by a concerned motorist who tells you the bed of your pick-up is on fire and you have to explain it's your bee smoker. ... And then you take a look, and you see that your load is actually on fire.
= when your in the yard, taking pictures of the dandelions in February in a neighborhood that is almost exclusivly bermuda grass and people HATE dandelions.....and wonder what the HECK you are celebrating over a single dandelion for.....
= you are in town, got to pee, and start looking for a tree.(and then realize...)
= You keep catching queens, even in your dreams.
= You can hear the bees before you fall asleep.
= You are at a hotel halfway between home and California and you see a swinger in a hotel or restaurant parking lot so you pull over to see who it is.
= Or, you are driving and pass another load of bees and you get on the CB to see who it is. Most of the time you know each other.
= When your shoes stick to the kitchen floor and you decide to just go barefoot.
= When you can find an unmarked queen in a double deep
= while you are out of state on vacation and see a bee yard, you just have to pull in to see what the bees are doing. And your wife gets upset.
= When you're on vacation and you see some beehives, and stop to take pictures... And your wife gets upset.
= When you buy a grocery cart full of 4# bags of sugar because they were on sale for $1.59 and you lie to the cute teenage girl at the check out telling her it's for Vacation Bible School because she'd never understand about feeding bees and you don't have time to explain because the sun is going down and you told your wife you'd be home by 9 o'clock.... And she never asks where's the Kool-Aid.
= When you hear the word honey, and you don't think of your significant other....
= ...every white work t-shirt you have has a propolis stained belly and your work belt is covered in wax and honey.
= ... second that one I tell my kids dandelion is my favorite flower. And they too have a appreciation for the plant, but to see the look on peoples faces when they hear this, is priceless
= on the medical questionaire :
-Smoker?
Yes!
-How often?
As much as they need.
= The fire department smashes the window of your friend's locked truck as you sit in the restaurant having lunch, because he left his smoker in the cab
= Your at the beach and everyone around you is reading romance novels and murder mysteries and you are reading "at the hive entrance"
= the day your moving into your new house, as your walking in the driveway, you look down and see a bee that has run out of gas, reach down and pick it up in your right hand, as your new neighbor comes over and wants to shake your hand. the look he gave me was strange, haven't seen him in six years.
= to save money on fuel, you listen to all the "experts" and put straight used vegetable oil (filtered of course) into your semi and flat bed truck and then proceed to test it on a trip across the country with bee's! And no, if you wondering, we did not make it all the way to florida from michigan...
= You go to move a double deep across your yard at night in shorts, hoping the propolis will hold the hives together, and half way there you're feeling pretty good about life when the stack becomes instantly light
= When you get pulled over for speeding cause you have fresh pulled supers you can't wait to extract and you have to do a field sobriety test because the smell of bee go.
= Your a beekeeper when you sit your smoker in dry grass and it catches fire.
= When driving your truck its normal to have a dozen or so bees in the cab trying to excape through the windshield.
= after a few intense days of working bees, you close your eyes and all you see is bees, and it does not scare you...and you hear the hum of the hives in your ears, and it puts you to sleep ( не моё)